The Waiting - Part I

I'm in this exam room with a couple of plastic bags for my belongings. I'm told to take off all my clothes and put on 2 gowns. The first tied in the back and the second in the front. The nurse will be in shortly.

So I decide to call MLW at home to tell her that I'm in the back. So I pulled out my slick Blackberry to call (and maybe I'll twitter, too) and saw that I had no signal. Those bastards!!!! So I left the room and went all the way out to admissions to call. I told her that I'm going in the back. I'm pretty certain I told her to stay put at home until the doctor calls and says I'm out of surgery. Now it can be argued that I still have chemicals flowing in my system and, yes I did take a Percocet at 1:30pm, but I believe that my recommendation was for MLW and the kids to stay home, maybe nap, go to the park, something and NOT come to the hospital and wait around for hours.

So I go back to the exam room and put on the gowns. By now it's 9:15 am and all my belongings are in 2 bags, I'm reclined on a pretty comfortable armchair, reading my magazine. By 9:30, I have stooped so low as to read about how Gossip Girl is the best teen drama on TV, ever! I am feeling pretty bored and restless. Where is that nurse? So I open the door and step out in the hallway. I find the first person with a badge and tell her that I've been waiting for over 45 minutes for the nurse. I get some polite, yet lame excuse about the nurse making her rounds. I go back into the room and leave the door open. There is foot traffic in the hallway, mostly to and from the bathroom at the end of the hall.

Another 15 minutes pass. I've given up on the Gossip Girl article and am reading the Patient's Bill of Rights. I'm looking for the loophole that entitles me to bitch to the CEO of Mt Sinai about my intolerable wait. No luck. I'm entitled to a bunch of things that at this point I don't care about.

Then the nurse comes in. Tries to pronounce my name, butchers it, takes my blood pressure, and verifies the procedure. She asks when I had my last meal, blah, blah-blah, blah-blah-blah. At this point I am so craving a cup of coffee that I just want them to cut me up, send me home, so I can have some caffeine. As she's finishing the resident (Dr. somebody who works with Dr. Gladstone) walks in to take me upstairs.

Here we go. It's gonna happen now.