Shoulda gone all the way

I read on the BBC web site about a man in Nigeria who is going to divorce 82 of his wives. The kicker is that he's going to keep 4 of them. The report doesn't say who are the lucky 4; The first 4, last 4, or "the best" of 86.

I would hate, hate, hate to be in his shoes. Imagine if you will, wedding number 56:
Soon to be wife #56: How about a July wedding?
Bello: Aaaakh. What is it with you women and July weddings? I've gotten married in July TWENTY-SEVEN times already. I gotta tell you, it's hot in July in Nigeria. Really hot! How about January?
STBW56: Isn't Dora, your 17th wife's, birthday in January? I want our wedding to be special and don't want that skank's birthday to ruin it.
Bello: It will be special my little macadamia, but forget July. Let's make it September. That way little Stephie, my 23rd daughter, can be the flower girl and we'll have Aaron, my son from wife number 53, be the ring bearer. You see 23 and 53 are both prime numbers. Prime numbers for my primo bride. What do you say?

BTW this guy is only 84 years old, so must have married 2 women in the same year MORE THAN ONCE. Shit! US Governors of eastern states have nothin' on this guy!

So now the worst part: After many years of blissful marriage(s), Bello has to first pick the 4 to stay with and then tell the other 82 that things are just not working. Imagine this guy's legal bill. Hooooooly.....

AirBART sucks

Generally I like public transportation. I live in NY and don't own a car so by default I have to use the services that the MTA offers. I've been quite happy with the services offered in NY, with the exception of lack of direct subway service to the airports.

I was interested in taking the BART from Oakland airport to San Francisco yesterday. As you can tell from the title of my post, I did not think highly of it. To be more clear, these guys don't know what the hell they are doing. Sure they can take people form point A to point B without crashing the bus, but the whole thing sucks. Let me lay it out for you:

a) It costs $3 to ride the bus from Oakland airport to the BART station. No problem there, except you need exact change.
b) All the signs pointing you to AirBART make no mention of the exact change caveat. I would have appreciated a sign that says "AirBART <- $3 exact change required Change machine ->"
c) Which brings me to the fact that there is no change machine by the bus, in the terminal, or anywhere within a 3 mile radius of OAK. The change machine is conveniently located at the BART station, at the end of your bus ride!
d) There are no signs as you approach the AirBART bus that you need exact change. There is a little sign as you are boarding the bus that you need exact change.

So basically, I walked all the way to the bus, waited in line as people boarded the bus, got 10 feet from the sign that was obscured by the people waiting in line to get on the bus, and then had to go get change, come back and wait in line again for the next bus.

Yo, BART!!! Spend a couple of bucks and put signs up along the way that say:
AirBART $3
Exact change only

That's all I ask, people.

The Dark Knight

Word to all dads: do not take your sig-ot to a movie that she herself doesn't pick. I have done it a total of 3 times in 6 years and I hope to make my latest one stand. Suffice it to say that The Joker does not die at the end of the movie, robbing MLW of much needed closure.

Time travel

I thought August would be the month where I bust out with the blogging and claim my proper spot alongside Stephen King as a prolific writer. Where does the time go? The hours zoom by between the time the kids wake up from their afternoon nap and dinner time. It seems that every afternoon I take a 15 minute ride on a spaceship going close to the speed of light, returning to earth to find that 4 hours have passed. All you nerdy readers will get this. All others click here for a decent explanation.

So what's an Armodad to do in this situation? You got it! Have some cheloh kabob and continue with the early am boot(y) camp.

I gotta write something.

I was right!

I was out in the "garage" of my in-laws today where they keep their second fridge. The reason I was there was because I was putting away stuff that wouldn't fit in the fridge/freezer in the house. As I was trying to make room in the freezer for the 3 huge dishes, I noticed the Mashti Malone ice cream that I had written about earlier.
They were right there in the freezer!

After about 10 minutes of freezer Tetris, I dutifully threw the stuff in the garbage. I am not aware of a market for vintage ice cream. Maybe I should check on eBay or craigslist.

I know it's me, but I have to ask

Imagine you're invited to a wedding. For the sake of reality, let's say it's your cousin from your mother's side. It's at the Waldorf+Astoria and you probably know most of the people who are going, except for the old fogies that were invited by the parents on both sides, because ... well just because. In my case, you also have to pretend that you're female. For the devoted female followers of this blog, you have one less thing to imagine, yet you are more familiar with this situation.

You go shopping for a dress (black of course) because all the other dresses (black) that you have in your closet are a) not the right color, b) don't fit, c) out of style, d) all of the above. So after several trips to the mall or store, you find the right dress for the occasion, and if you're (un)lucky you have the shoes to go with the dress.

It's a sunny, pleasant Saturday afternoon as you arrive to the church, but as soon as you walk in you sense there is something wrong. From the corner of your eye you notice "the other woman". That B----! How dare she! What will you do? You hope that at least you will be seated at opposite ends of the reception hall, but do you take a chance. "She" has also sensed a disturbance in the force and is trying to a Jedi mind trick to shield herself.

But there is no escaping it. You are both wearing the same dress and neither of you is going to back down. It's a total catastrophe! Your whole night is ruined. Now if you were a guy and you actually noticed that someone else was wearing the same suit as you, the 2 of you would lock eyes, there would be an upward nod, and a tacit acknowledgment of both your good tastes in clothes. Heck you might even buy each other drinks at the bar. By buy, I mean order, because there better be an open bar. Otherwise, you wasted all this money on a suit and they don't even have open bar? C'mon, Shanto.

In light on these facts, why is it "cute" for my 2 girls to have and wear the EXACT same outfits, at the same time? And to boot, there are stores that specialize in mother-daughter outfits that are EXACTLY the same and are intended to be worn at the same time. I admit, the girls do look cute, but that's because I'm their Armo Dad.

My devoted female followers. I need answers.

Cheekehn

Today's dinner was Zankou Chicken. It had been a while since my last Zankou, so it was extra special. All due respect to Zankou, but the Dominican place on Amsterdam and 108 (El Rey de la Caridad) is a friggin' bargain: $14.95 for the family combo special gets you a whole chicken, salad, beans, rice, and 2 drinks. El Malecon is a close second, further south at the corner of 97th.

Maybe I should change my road trip idea to be chicken places. Nah! I love BBQ more than chicken.

Air travel

If you know me, you've heard this a million times. JetBlue rocks!!! Traveling from JFK to BUR is truly a breeze and now that S is older, the TV keeps her occupied for a long time. I don't care that they don't have first class or they only give you snacks. It works for us.

I guess I could have tweeted this instead.