Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Armenians and exercise

I went running around the reservoir for the 2nd time since my significant event. I was really hoping that the pain that forced me to quickly abort the first attempt would not recur. This time, I walked to the reservoir and started with a light jog. By the half-way mark, I was in full stride, sans pain. I did the whole 1.5 miles in 18 minutes; that's a 12 minute mile. Not bad, eh?

On my jog, I was happy to pass an older gentleman, about 10 years younger than my dad. Which got me thinking: Growing up, I never saw my dad exercise and to this day, exercising for my dad is when he has to walk down the 2 flights of steps to go outside for a smoke. And I don't know of any Armenian my dad's age that exercises on a regular basis.

Why is that? Answers please.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Playground Report

S has a new friend at the playground. The trouble is that I can't stand this girl's parent. S's friend is really nice and plays well with her. Nowadays, everytime we set out to the playground, S asks if this girl's going to be there. And I think to myself "I hope not".

I was telling a friend about this situation and he asked what is it about this parent that I don't like. I realized that it wasn't a "bad first impression" type thing. This person is not crass, loud, or dumb, yet after every interaction with this parent, I have a more negative impression. It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion. It's ugly and disturbing, but you can't stop yourself from watching it happen.

Example 1: It's hot and muggy in NYC and most playgrounds in the city have sprinklers for kids. S wanted to go play in the sprinklers so we put on her UV blocking bathing suit and headed out. We get to the playground and guess who's right at the sprinklers. I felt the temperature rise 10 degrees.

I get the additional sunblock on S (she's up to 2000 SPF by now) and she goes over to the next bench with her Dora ball to play with the girl. I turn to the stroller to put the can of Coppertone away, turn around, and this parent is leading S and 2 other girls to the middle of the playground so they can play with the ball. What the hell is going on? Since when is it ok to lead a child away from her parent without asking permission or at least hollering "Hey, dude, I'm taking your kid away. Is that cool?"

Example 2: Fast forward 20 minutes. The 2 other girls run for the tire swings. S is busy with some other kid but spots them and wants to go over. My 3 year old calls out to me that she's going over to the tires, or at least that's how my mind plays it back in my head. So she gets there and because she's a 3 year old she starts to climb on the tire swing herself at which point "the parent" picks her up and tries to put her on the swing. "By myself, by myself" S says to which "the parent" responds "we don't want to get the other girls dirty, do we".

WHAT!?!? You're at a fucking playground with dirt and mud and kids' snot all over. Just 30 minutes ago you had no problems when your kid was playing by the sprinklers. And your kid isn't dressed for a fucking cotillion, so chill out and let my kid get on the swing by herself!

Needless to say, my tolerance scale for this parent is hovering around 2 minutes.

Parent: "We're leaving to run an errand"
Me (to myself): Tanks gud
Parent: "We'll be back in an hour. Will you guys still be here"
Me: "We're leaving in about 45 minutes."
Parent: "OK then see you tomorrow"
Me (to myself): "I sure hope not"

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Social Science of picnicing

In order to understand this phenomenon, we must first dissect the whole picnic idea. To picnic, you need:
1) Food - Food is the linchpin of the picnic. Without food, it'd be a bunch of dumb folks sitting on a blanket, otherwise known as a dimwitnic.
2) Space - Sufficient space to spread out your blanket. The space typically is a grassy area, with some trees for shade, ideally with a nice view (e.g. body of water, mountains, etc). And you need space for the kids to run around and play.
3) People - Usually family and friends.

So if you're white folk, living in the 'burbs, you can "picnic" in your back yard. It's the "ethnics" living in the urban setting that need to picnic when they want to get together with family and friends. Because,
a) no room for 30 (additional) people in their tiny apartment.
b) want to get away from the nosy neighbors who'll invariably want to mooch off their food.
c) can't cook for all your friends and family in the tiny kitchen of your tiny apartment.
d) want to get away from the urban setting and pretend for a few hours that they live on an estate.

Hence, picnicking was developed out of necessity by urban dwellers who live in small spaces, aka not-whitey.

Oooh. I'm gonna hear it now!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Zankou

Fascinating!!! Zankou Chicken has a Wikipedia entry.

Traveling Armenians

I was reading an article by Dave Demerjian on Wired online that describes how it is often more economical to ship your bags rather than check them in while flying. It references a web page that gives you the skinny on which airlines charge for luggage and the number of bags you can take on before the fees start piling up.

I love this table, because it shows why the airline industry is so fucked up. Let's pretend all airlines are charging people for bags because of the extra fuel necessary to carry the clothes travelers will need once the airlines graciously take them to their destination. So why would it matter when someone pays for the extra fuel? (See Airtran)

Then scrolling down the alphabetical list of airlines, you quickly come to the details on Delta airlines; "D" being one of the first 4 letters of the alphabet. There is an editorial comment, suggesting that nobody travels with 8 (or more) bags. Obviously, there is a disproportionate number of Armenians flying Delta and those whipper-snappers at Delta have done their math. Here's the breakdown for a week-long holiday for your average 4-person Armenian family:
Bag 1: clothers for child #1
Bag 2: clothes for child #2
Bag 3: clothes for mom
Bag 4: clothes for mom (cont)
Bag 5: clothes for dad + leftover clothes for mom, child1 and child2
Bag 6: chargers for phone, camera, video camera, laptops + leftover clothes for children
Bag 7: lahmejune, boreg (2 kinds), nazouk, and Syrian bread + picnic blanket (if not staying at hotel)
Bag 8: towels (if not staying at hotel), shoes and other footwear
Bag 9: car seat for child #1
Bag 10: car seat for child #2

Then for carry-on we have food for children and adults for during the flight (maybe a couple of Zankou chicken sandwiches if you're traveling eastbound from LA), books, activities/toys, diapers, wipes, change of clothes, and extra socks.

Obviously for comedic purposes I glossed over the fact that there are at least 2 adults so there will only be 5 bags per person. Of course once either child is over 2 years old, they would need their own ticket and the number plummets to 3.33 bags per person. Then again, you're paying $500 for your 2 year old who weighs less than your lahmejune luggage.

Monday, July 21, 2008

The Feast - another example

We went to the Cloisters yesterday for a picnic with the family. What did I see? A Puerto Rican picnic. So, yet another example of a culture where a feast is key. These guys had tables setup with folding lawn chars all around. People were just hanging out waiting for the birthday girl. Young and old hung out and enjoyed each others' company.

I felt like I was in the minor leagues with my green blanket and foldable cooler of leftovers. But anyway....

"Why don't 'white people' picnic?" MLW asked me on the way back to the car.

My answer next.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Feast

We were invited to our friends' place in PA on Saturday. It was an easy drive from NY with very little traffic. It was the first time we were visiting their new home and everyone was totally into it. I, specifically, was looking forward to the spread that they usually put out for friends.

The art of the spread is truly one of the lost arts of our times. People either don't care to be "hosts" or don't know how to do it right. There are those who put out bags of chips (still in the bag) and bottles of soda on a tablecloth. I love chips and there is nothing wrong with chips and soda, but it ain't a feast. Then there are those who have this elaborate 7 course meal planned out that requires them to be in the kitchen for 95% of the time that the guests are at their house. Although the meal itself might be wonderful, there is no opportunity to converse and hang out with the hosts. At the end of the night the hosts are exhausted and the guests feel awful for having put them through such an ordeal.

A feast IMHO is an opportunity to eat, drink, and be merry. It's a combination of good food and good company. And Saturday was a great example of a feast. There were 5 kids combined in attendance, yet I felt we were able to have adult conversation and the families had a good time. And the food was great! It was a Southern themed meal and everything from the cole slaw to pulled pork burgers were delicious. Did it matter than our friends are Armenian? Yes and no.

Armenians, in general, are a social bunch. We love our food and drink, especially meals that last for 4-5 hours. I remember going to my cousin's for brunch and not leaving until after kebab dinner. I am happy that MLW's family has a similar entertaining style. I'm sure there are other ethnicities that have the same feel for a feast, but look at the title of the blog! On the opposite end of the spectrum, are Armenian friends who, for whatever reason, have not embraced this cornerstone of our culture.J Sure, I don't want to make a big deal of every get-together, but c'mon dude/aper/agas, how about some plates for the buffalo wings that you ordered in. And would it kill you to buy a bag of celery and a tub of Aunt Marie's blue cheese dip?

Our experience this past Saturday reinforced in me the power of food and the importance of being a good "feast master". I hope I never disappoint my guests and if I do, please let me know. I will not be offended.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Sexy Armenian Girls

OK. So I want to make a couple of bucks with this blog. That's why I have ads on the site, served by Adsense. But I highly doubt anyone reading this blog is interested in dating Sexy Armenian Girls, because we already have ours. Yeah! Nobody can handle more than 1 (some are barely able to keep up with the one) Sexy Armenian Girl.

Adsense, this page is not going to bring you (and especially me) any clicks to the dating site.

Monday, July 14, 2008

On becoming like our parents

This particular event happened a month or so ago and I have been thinking about it since. I'm sure most people want be different than their parents, especially when it comes to raising their children.

Although neither my dad nor my parents in-law read this blog -- and even if there is Internet in the afterlife (if there is one), my mom probably is unaware of this major accomplishment by her eldest -- I want to state that there is nothing wrong in the way they raised us. In fact, I am very proud to have had the parents that I do, and want my children to grow up knowing who their grandparents are. It's just that we don't want to
become them.

We know our parents' flaws, because we live them daily. They are part of who we are. And that's the good and the bad of it. We want the best for our kids as our parents wanted the best for theirs. We make do with what we have, no matter which generation we belong to.

So ... after a meandering path through fluff, let's get back to the story. MLW ordered Fresh Direct and I was home to receive it. I was trying to remember how much stuff was already in the Sub Zero as I was signing for the 5 boxes that the guy dropped off inside our door. When I talk about the Sub Zero, I am referring to our one and only fridge that came with the apartment. I'm not saying it for status (maybe), but to give the reader an idea of the physical space that I was required to stuff the 5 boxes of Fresh Direct.

I was in high school when the Rubics Cube craze was at it's peak. This guy from Nor Seroond in Boston showed me a solution that was not in any of the official books. I could solve any cube in under 2 minutes. What a geek! But some of the same skills were needed to arrange the contents of the Fresh Direct delivery into our Sub Zero that was already half full of stuff.

Thinking about the Rubics Cube took me back to our house in Lexington, where like any self-respecting Armenian family, we had a spare "ice box" in the garage. In our case, it was a standup freezer full of next months meals. At some point it also housed a couple of vials of bovine DNA (I'm not kidding you) that my cousing had brought to show to US firms the purity of biotech work in Armenia. My in-laws have a 2nd fridge in their garage and I bet the ice cream that I bought 8 years ago from MashtiMalone's is still sitting in the freezer. Talk about bovine DNA!!!

As I was trying to fit the frozen pizzas in to the freezer drawer by completely rearranging the frozen vegetable section, I was soooo wishing we had a 2nd fridge/freezer. Maybe we can put it in the storage bin downstairs? There's electricity down there and we won't have to pay for it. OK, so that would mean that we'd have to get yet another storage bin to put the crap (most of it, except for my skis and comic books) we have down there in another place.

I'd always considered a 2nd "ice box" a waste or an indication of lack of discipline on my family's part. But now, I see the wisdom that needs to be passed down to the next generation. I don't recall my grandmother having 2 fridges, but my aunt and uncle did live downstairs from her, so I guess that counts.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Total robbery

I can't take credit for this video (shooting it or finding it on YouTube), but for some very sick, odd reason, I find it hilarious.



Thanks god it's not my kid!!!

Rebranding the blog

I've been thinking about this for a while. I need to focus the content of this blog to reflect more of what I am. So from now on, it will be known as "Confessions of an Armenian Dad". Don't worry. You will still get the same culturally rich content and witty repartee that you have gotten used to over the past few months. I will post more about how my culture and background shape the way I perceive the world and judge its content.

So sit back, relax, and read on.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Rip Van Winkle awakens

This is really sad. I have been away for so long that blogger actually asked me to log into my account! That's pathetic.

Anyway, one of the blogs that I follow is DaddyTypes. The most recent post on that blog referred to another blogger from Park Slope who has started a declaration of co-dependence. Not for the faint of heart but really funny stuff. I'm going to add him to my links down the left hand side of the page.