I Don't KEA

We got the Kritter bed from IKEA over the weekend. We trekked out to Paramus, NJ in our lovely Chevy Uplander. Although I used to own a Chevy Beretta, I am a Euro car snob. Having traveled on business for a good part of 10 years, I have rented many cars, most of them American made. Except for a handful, I hated driving any car made by Detroit. I have to admit, though, that the Uplander minivan was quite comfortable. If it had a little more Japanese or European trimmings on the dash, it would be the perfect car for our LA lives.

On the other hand the IKEA experience, Swedish and all, pissed me off. The Kritter, like other beds from IKEA, uses slats to hold the mattress. I'm sure for some good reason, the slats are packed in a different box than the bed frame. Therefore, in order to purchase a COMPLETE, USABLE BED, you have to pickup 2 boxes from the "marketplace". This fact is not mentioned anywhere in the showroom nor in the warehouse, but it is on the website "SULTAN LADE slatted bed base is included in the price, but is packaged separately."

So when an unsuspecting shopper approaches the checkout counter with a single box marked Kritter Bed (with bar codes facing the cashier for quicker processing), shouldn't the fancy-shmancy computerized system flash some sort of idiot light letting the cashier know that there is a piece missing from the order?
"Warning: dumb customer forgot the slats"
"'Scuse me Jethro, you gotta pickup the slats if you're figuring to use this bed for sleeping purposes"

But, noooooo. We walk out quite happy with our non-functioning purchase and make the trek back into Manhattan, via the 125th Street McDonald's drive-thru.

The next morning as I begin to put the bed together with mt 3 year old, we get to step 6 where I'm supposed to lay the slats on the bed frame. Slats, slats. Where are the slats? So of course, the Paramus IKEA is closed on Sundays and we have to drive out to Elizabeth in our rental Uplander. The customer service number we get is 51 and they're serving #34. Fuck! Executive decision by MLW to pay $10 and get the slats (if sold separately) and not wait. She wisely gets a couple of hotdogs from the food court. As we load up the minivan, "Serving #42." Best 10 bucks ever spent.

I ask you, Ingvar Kamprad: Don't you think that purchasing a bed frame by itself would be a tad silly without being able to hold the mattress in place? I'm sure even in the small village of Agunnaryd in Sweden, people sleep on mattresses and a bed frame is not a decorative furniture item.

I'm going to be the customer from hell at my next visit to IKEA. "Does that chair come with legs or are those packed in a separate box?" "Are there 6 lightbulbs in this six-pack of lightbulbs?"